1. She’s a vegetarian, but I’m pretty sure she eats sausage. 2. No, I don’t 3. How about trouser snake? 2. NO!!! 1. She means blowjobs.

1. I need a description for my scrotum 2. How about malleable? 1. That refers to metals. 2. Yeah, but I have brass balls!

I am convinced that pastrami is better for me than Xanax.

I don’t think you can give my penis a sore throat

“I’m texting. Get the fuck out of my face or I’ll make you.”

“I never, ever want an animal penis in me….like a gargoyle!”

“I don’t really see the glass as half full or half empty, there is always room for more vodka.”

“…and my head smelled like a vagina for a week…”

“I’m going to go pee and think about what I just did.”

“I can’t have another drink, my car will be towed. Wait! It’s Saturday, they don’t tow on Sunday!”